Monica Geller Appreciation 2/?

theyarerealtome:

Ok round 2! People claim that Monica just turned Chandler into her ‘whipping boy’ or ‘puppet’ but I honestly don’t see it. I think she was good for Chandler and gave him confidence and value way beyond his insecurity in early seasons.

Throughout the series we saw what Chandler wanted in his life was stability. He had a horribly unbalanced childhood with his parents divorce and Dad moving to Vegas and Mom off on book tours and being sent to boarding school. Until Ross, Monica and later the other Friends, he never had anyone he could trust. Every relationship he had on the show ended with the woman cheating and leaving him. He wanted to commit so he wouldn’t die alone but was terrified and hurt when he did. Bottom line: He needed to be with someone dependable. Someone who could stabilize and reassure and ground him. Monica did that. In fact she epitomized dependability. Even before getting together with Chandler, Monica was the Team Mom, the groups ‘rock’ and cared for the gang for all ten years.  No matter what else you say, Monica never let anyone down. She took in Rachel who had ditched her, she fed Joey, comforted Ross through his divorces, stayed close to Phoebe after she moved out, and looked after Ben and Emma. She was fiercely loyal and the only Friend who didn’t cheat or be complicit in cheating in some way. She, out of all of the gang, knew what she wanted in career, relationships and family and went after that. Chandler, who struggled with insecurity and confusion and indecisiveness, appreciated that. Monica, complete with her strengths and flaws, was exactly what Chandler needed.

Of course the flipside of that stability was her bossiness. And yes sometimes she crossed the line between giving Chandler security and trying to control him. And he didn’t want or need that. But I don’t think Monica trying to control Chandler was a sign she didn’t love him. If anything she loved him too much and focused too much of her energy on him and his life. She needed to loosen up and let Chandler get on with things himself. But you know what? That’s ok. All the characters had faults and the show would have been mind-numbingly boring with them. The show acknowledged when she was in the wrong and there were heaps of times when Monica realized she was being bossy and backed off and let Chandler take control. (Buying expensive boots, the price of their wedding, lying to Erica etc.)

Most importantly Chandler was aware of Monica’s faults way before falling in love with her. He knew she could be high-maintenance and stressful and neurotic, but he accepted all of that. He knew that his relaxed nature and sense of humour helped her, the same way her strength helped him. And we have canon evidence of that:  “So they can say that you’re high-maintenance but that’s ok because I like….maintaining you.” Chandler wasn’t some blind victim, he was totally aware of Monica’s flaws but Loved. Her. Anyway. Yeah she annoyed him sometimes him but overall Chandler was happy to deal with her neuroses. Again look back to early seasons: Chandler was intimidated by ‘perfect’ women. He was awkward and insecure and those types made it worse. Unlike Joey he didn’t just want someone super-attractive and unlike Ross he didn’t look for someone super successful and brainy.  Chandler wanted someone who understood and accepted him. (Not that he objected to dating hot or intelligent women).  Despite Monica being beautiful and successful in her career, she was neurotic enough to match him. They could relate to childhoods when they both felt unwanted and neglected. Sure they dealt with it differently: Chandler with humour and Monica with obsessive control but deep down shared the same fears. Their neuroses and problems made them fit together better, and oddly enough relaxed him. His own insecurities were lessened because she understood what he went through and fought many of the same battles. She depended on him to keep her calm and he felt needed and happier because he had worth in their relationship. They fitted together because ultimately they accepted each other hang ups and loved each other more because of them.